Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
