false alarm. still invincible.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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