so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
