she was so not down for the gang bang
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
