My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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