he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
