I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
