Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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