I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
