google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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