I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
