some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
