Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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