She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
