apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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