Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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