and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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