Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
