True but thats because hes a fetus.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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