new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
