so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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