Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
