i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
