i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
