The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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