Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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