Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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