Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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