Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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