Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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