Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
