ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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