are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
