Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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