We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
