i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
