dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
