guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
