You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
kristin has been a bad kristin
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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