So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
