I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
