I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
