we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Welp...herpes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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