I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
