im holly from the hills drunk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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