He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
