She is in my trunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
