Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
