How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
