mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had sex on a roof
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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