I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
